She's JV to your varsity
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
