Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize