I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
