I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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