Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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