just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize