yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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