so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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