??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
