I can't breathe out the right side of my face
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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