How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
