There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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