Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
