made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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