she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
