Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
