Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
