Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
