lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
