I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
