You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
