Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize