If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
