my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
