Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize