She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
