Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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