I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
