and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
