atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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