I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
