Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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