and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
