I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
