Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
