the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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