You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
