There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize