so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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