I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize