i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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