I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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