Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
