I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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