sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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