i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
