I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
