How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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