2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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