I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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