Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
