Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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