I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
