Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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