I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
