just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize