Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
