"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
MIDGETS
????
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
