Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
