There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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