So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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