I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
