Your dad touched me again.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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