watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
