I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
