He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
