Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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