I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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